Updated: Jun 27
My greatest struggle, or at least I hope is (Lord knows it could be worse): the struggle is one I am continually working on and I have been since my daughter was born. I suppose I've been aware of my anxious tendencies and stints of depression since my mid-teens. I have not always "worked" on these issues. I am trying NOT to refer to myself as an anxious person. I am attempting to think of myself as someone who is highly sensitive to my emotional state and reacts to my experience in a well-worn narrative of nervousness, catastrophizing and panic attacks. It serves me better to remind myself that I am calm and extremely functional most of the time.
I don't intend to rid myself of it. I do struggle with some of the symptom's of anxiety: notably irritability, lashing out with anger and short episodes of agoraphobia. Because I'm still "working" on this part of my disposition I cannot fully reflect on how I’ve grown from it just yet. I do believe that my motivation has never been stronger. Because I wish for my child to see my best mentally-healthy self.
As I said, I'm "working" on it, speaking about it and working with a therapist. I acknowledge there’s something that's not working and that it can hurt people around me. Also, that it's no one else's job to "fix" me and no one's fault that I'm so reactive. So, I grow. Can't check it off the list yet, but I'm growing.