Updated: Jun 27
One of my greatest struggles was ending a relationship that was very toxic. The other person in that relationship treated me very poorly. So poorly in fact that it boiled down to me having to forget myself to stay in the relationship or choose myself and leave. I could not honour or respect myself AND remain in that relationship. This was a huge moment of growth because I hadn’t realized that up to that point, I often in little and more subtle ways forgot myself in the name of a relationship. I often chose ‘the other’ or the relationship over my truth. I didn’t realize this damaging pattern until my inner knowing/truth would not NOT let me choose myself any more. This person made it SO OBVIOUS that I was abandoning myself that it was no longer an unconscious decision. If I wanted this relationship it meant actively and consciously dishonouring myself. I had to actually choose to not respect myself in order to make this relationship work and when that became obvious to me I just couldn’t do it. I was trying to be with him in spite of the fact that I had to be without myself – I had to abandon myself. And I just couldn’t do it. I was angry that that was what he required for our relationship to work. I wanted that relationship so badly, but when it came down to it I had to choose me because at the end of the day, that’s all I really have. So that was a big lesson and in a weird way I guess I’m grateful that that guy was such a loser because it was his bullshit that helped me find my worth. So, in the end, my win, his loss.